i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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