I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize