1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
