I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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