Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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