I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
