those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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