the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
