I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
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