ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
my poor anus
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