im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
