Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
