her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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