I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
