I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
