Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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