i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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