I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
