She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
