I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
