I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
