You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
