I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
