i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize