Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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