You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
