Umm I'm too high to move.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
