Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
