I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
