We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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