I'm drive I can fine osifer
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
