all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I want her autograph on my taint
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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