My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
