i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
