508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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