I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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