barbara walters just said penis...
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Hippo gnu deer
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize