i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Randomize
