Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
