Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
