Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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