I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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