We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Randomize
