I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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