I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
