so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
