ya dads aren't the best wingmen
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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