and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
