Your tits are I can't wait for
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
