When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
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