Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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