just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
