She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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