Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
