hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
