You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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