I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
