Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
