it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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