As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
