when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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