He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
