yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
