Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
