Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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