I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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