Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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