we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
