She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
