You made me cry and you don't even care
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
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