Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
