I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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