Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
