I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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