Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
