Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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