i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
