Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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