I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I need moral support for this bender
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
