You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
How external is "for external use only"?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
