Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
