we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
