he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
