Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize