just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
