There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
