Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
