...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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