A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
