I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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