im drinking this country out of the recession.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
