No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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