They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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