I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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