If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
